Miscommunication

For those of you that don't know, I've been outed. My boyfriend made me tell my parents about everything - the weight I've lost, all my habits. They knew I was having "issues" with my eating, as they call it, but they thought I had "stopped". As if it's that simple. *sigh* I really didn't want to tell them. My mom told me about two months ago that "if I started that stuff (my ED) again she'd be really pissed". I love my mom but I hate how both my parents think they understand, how they oversimplify just how supposedly easy this should be to "stop". And for all of you, I hope that all of you somewhat know what I'm talking about.

Everyone around me thinks it's as easy as just eating. Pick up a sandwich, chew, swallow, repeat as needed. But it's not. So I eat the sandwich. How many calories is it? Should I eat half of it? Half of a half? Any at all? And once I eat it, if I do, do I purge? Or do I let it sit in my stomach like a stone, weighing me down and making me feel guilty for way longer than it should?

What should be a simple process of eating a sandwich suddenly has multiple steps, a significantly large and ridiculous amount of mental strain. THAT is why I wish I didn't live with anyone. I wouldn't have to worry about eating at all :)

But since I DO still live at home, and now that I've had to tell my parents all this, they're sending me to see a counsellor. Fun stuff. I get to tell all my problems to a stranger. Have I mentioned I SUCK at talking to people about...well, anything? I'm great at writing it down, but talking about it? FORGET IT!!!

My first meeting with my counsellor is tomorrow morning at 10 AM. I'll let you guys know how it goes...